I've been on an information binge lately. For various reasons, my life feels especially quiet these days, and in the last few weeks I've been administering heavy doses of reading and listening to lectures on iTunes University in spare time when I'm not reading for school or writing. This is a time in my life, the argument goes, when I can learn everything about whatever without neglecting people who count on me, so I should make the most of it. It turns out that after a little while, that starts to feel real bad.
Marilynne Robinson says lovely things about how the midwest, or the Middle West, as she calls it, is distinctive because in that region, lonesome is a word with strongly positive connotations. I recognize the truth of that. Lonesome. Yeah. Like Hank Williams and his whippoorwill. And I try to screw my midwestern courage to the sticking place and embrace my lonesomeness. But it's like Bob Dylan says, "I could make it without you if I did not feel so all alone." Oh, Bob.
I'm hopeless. I can't read anything without wanting to talk it over with someone. But that's not really the thing anyway. I need to learn to be better at resting alone. My zeal needs to know some respite. But maybe it's not real zeal anyway. The more likely thing, I think, is that I need to avail myself of the promises. Come near to God and he will come near to you.
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2 comments:
Lovely homily my friend. It's honest and true.
Since my loneliest days, early JBU, I've felt that I am not lonely if I have the option to be with others. But when I haven't the option, it has felt consistently lonely.
I hope you find the respite you're looking for - both in rest and being with God, and in the human relationships that nourish us.
This is lovely and true. And I know what you mean about reading and talking. So we'll read and talk. And rest.
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